Chopper.

Chopper

Christ. It was bad. I couldnt even begin to feel the pain. What happened, was a lesson in being dangerous. The roof, the roof was so easy to get too, just up a bin, shimmy along a wall, over a archway and pull yourself to the top. Easy.
Thats what i dont understand, seeing as it was so easy to clamber onto the roof, why was there any need for the ladder.

There wasnt, and in the end, yeah, there really wasnt.

Rob. The ladder.

The ladder was a strange thing. It wasnt like a usual ladder. Straight upright, stiff, unmovable, a solid shape. Squarish rungs, almost flat in its metallic way. This ladder was clearly different. Its similarities pretty much ended with it being of a silvery nature and made from some sort of metal. You see, the ladder, wasnt a solid object, it wasnt stiff, solid, upright or unbendable. This ladder, moved like a slinky, compressing in on itself then expanding, jumping up and down, moulting and twisting into new shapes, like the gills of a accordian being squeezed, sometime the ladder was small than big and pointy, up and down it went like a rollercoaster ride.

I was standing a fair distance away, even so, the ladder sometimes shifted its shape, and a jagged metal point would come within inches of my face, i dont know what possessed Rob to climb the ladder. Yet climb the ladder he did.
He got about halfway up, before the ladder flew backwards changing shape again, the top part remained attached to the roof, where Rob had positioned the bottom half, flew out all over the place. Rob fell to the floor. He seemed to be ok, then i looked closer and realised he wasnt, he really wasnt. The trouser leg on the right side of his body was cut, it now looked ridiculously shorter than his left. Robs leg had been chomped off. Underneath the fabric of his trousers there was a stump. We made eye contact with each other, then after a second or so, blood began to spurt out from Robs wound all over the floor. His severed leg lay on the concrete, and the ever expanding pool of blood that stemmed from Robs stump thickened, getting closer and closer. I immediately phoned for an ambulance, telling them to come quick as my friend had just cut his leg off. I gave the man on the end of the line the adress, and then nearly put the phone down before remembering suddenly, to ask, listen, to instructions on what to do for Rob.

Going back to Rob was strange, as i found him sitting on a chair, with a tight sort of cottony bandage, all tied up round his stump, which was stopping the flow of blood. Good, phew, i asked the nine nine nine guy, what should we do with the leg, put it in the freezer to keep it fresh so it could be sewn back on or what,
as sirens blurred, flashing blue light, my phone ran out of battery, i left Rob sitting in the chair, when i thought to hell, why not ill put his leg in the freezer. I also decided to tape Robs mouth shut because he was making a lot of noise, screaming and what not, an awful racket, when i came back outside, the sirens had stopped and there were three police cars on the drive. Rob had been ungagged and taken from off of the chair, i dont know why i did it, but i put my hands up and said it was a fair cop, i was read my rights, handcuffed and put into the back of one of the cars, as i plonked down, abrassively and fast, i could hear the faint snatch of a song wafting from somewhere through the air,

"clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here i am..."

at the police station, my possessions were taken from me, a metal fork, a banana with the message, youve won a mystery prize on it, and a burnt copy of the silence of the lambs,
really is that what all youve got, asked the station officer behind his counter,
and again for reasons i cant explain, i laughed, actually giggled, uncontrollably, before i was led to a cell and all i could think about was, resovoir dogs and the disappointment i was all out of spoggy.