Make Believe.

all it ever was, just,

Wrecklessly obsessed

It appears I’m obsessed with convincing myself I’ve fallen in love and losing one leg, I’m also obsessed with believing in things that don’t exist like songs, flying hippos and luck jumpers made from clouds, and I’m also obsessed with pretending I don’t exist and that the things I see are in fact just dreams, like people I meet and the midnight express, and I’m obsessed with pretending I’m a figment of imagination, and I’m obsessed with drowning sinking drowning, And I’m obsessed with pretending, I pretend sometimes that I live on the moon, which talks to the earth, that messages in films are real and that I and so many people are stars that shine, and I pretend that we make the stars shine bright, with our thoughts and actions, and I’m obsessed with the sea the sun the moon, and I’m obsessed with silver spoons, and I’m obsessed with all these things, even when I don’t know what it means, don’t know what it means, I’m obsessed with opium and heroine, and I’m obsessed with life, dying, And I’m obsessed with the belief that out of everyone I know I will be the last to die, Is that because deep down I really want to die? Fly away, And I’m obsessed I’m gone believing in all the stories, do you believe too, I’m obsessed with falling floating flying, I believe or do I pretend that I was dropped in magic potion as a baby, they Dunked my head in a font of acid and I’m obsessed with climbing mountains, and walking outside with nothing, absolutely nothing, and I’m obsessed with rain drops, and I’m obsessed with silly stories, I’m obsessed in imagining two lovers a girl a boy and I’m the boy I end up getting hit by a car or stabbed with a knife and I’m obsessed with pretending that everyone with a mobile phone lives in Babylon, and that those without mobiles are walking to the Zion train, and that if I have a mobile then I’m rushed back to Babylon, babble on,
I’m obsessed
And I’m obsessed with my dreams, sitting in trees and making wishes to the wind, I’m obsessed with writing and reading, obsessed with stories, so many I create in my mind, just today I was obsessed on an life story, that I can’t write yet, it’s too unhappy an ending, but one day, I’m obsessed with one day, And the night...And I’m obsessed with imaging people gathering all together growing feathers and turning into birds gentle flapping wings fly fly fly away, I’m obsessed with flying away, float away, and I’m obsessed with writing stories with sticks in water I’m obsessed that they’ll somehow find their way to you, I’m obsessed that you! can hear the stars sing and I’m obsessed with electric city and I’m obsessed that I’m alone and that I don’t mind being on my own, as long as your safe and warm I’m not alone, and I’m obsessed that you’re the same which means you and me both are sinking like red pills floating away one day... maybe that’s why I’m obsessed with only having one leg you’re obsessed with only having one leg too and I’m obsessed with those warm and fuzzy feelings inside and I’m obsessed that I don’t know what those tingles are and I guess i don’t really want you to know
I’m obsessed
Back in Babylon maybe we can find somewhere neither Zion nor Babylon so obsessed with electricity I’m obsessed that you exist obsessed with drowning and you’re obsessed with writing the same stories too, about a girl with one leg who throws away shoes I’m obsessed with throwing away shoes send them flying out of windows in cars or on an underground train, we dont need shoes, not when we fly away, and my obsession with you I hope you’re safe and warm In my stories I imagine were in love but I die In your stories you imagine I love you and you love me but I die as the sun creeps in it makes me think that all we have to do is change our minds from black hole, sunshine, dripping life, no more obsessing over opium or heroine I can imagine myself in love with you, and guess what your alive, as the sun creeps in you imagine a happy ending too, we both are, safe and warm singing under the stars to the Cheshire cat smiling in the sky who suddenly changes the tide...

blink

And I’m obsessed with not knowing whether the things I think in my mind are real or make believe, tiptoeing along the line between madness and reality, living life a story, is it like that film, which I can never remember the name, a comedy or a tragedy, if we see it together ill share with you another one of those moments where I’d like to pick up and play for you guitar, drip drip drip, just one song, i go the whole wide world just to find you

was my belief a hippo created in my mind too strong, or is that what’s real, ghosts or alive, if you’re alive I’m alive unless we’ve already died – are there any people out there who are never told their mad, I know people that say to me ,
“I’m mad”,
Insane, are we all mad, I’m told I’m mad all the time, do they tell you your mad, thing is say I I’m sane, that’s because I like to pretend, I’m obsessed with being a spy, it’s crazy how it’s all alright, and I’m obsessed with the scratches in my dreams, but really I’m just obsessed with you I wonder if you get scratches in dreams, was it you that put those scratches across my back and maybe you’ve written a note about your obsessions too, which would blow my mind, in a gentle way, finally let us fly away and escape, because we’ve written more or less the same or at least in the same way and if your last words echo mine then I would love you until the end of time because most of all from the bottom of my heart my one true obsession is for you not to worry away drip drip drip i hope your warm and safe.





I sold my soul at 15 for a smoke.

Took some paper from a tree
writing words you shouldnt see
then i Gave away my soul
For free
not thinking about my destiny
you know I did it for a joke
In return a little smoke
Stolen paper from the trees
stealing drinks from the leafs
my words are nothing new
All the actions that I do
Looking for answers in questions
I know I shouldn’t ask
Would you like
Another cup of tea?
Gave away my soul for free
Writing words on paper
Taken from a tree
stop making glass from beaches
Lieing by the sea
building houses
so we can pretend were all happy
Stealing paper from the trees
If im not carefull one day broken glass
Will cut my feet
drops of red
bitten by a beach
Maybe we could leave the sand
and listen
instead of stealing trees
and leafs
or are we happy being thiefs
im happy being a thief
magpies stealing shiny things
im not a thief
would you like
a cup of tea?
You can come and drink some tea with me
I havent got a soul.

The squirrel sellers destiny.

- And talking about squirrels makes me wonder over all the years so far hey that’s odd I thought me memory was perfect nothing forgotten, but no, I can’t recall every single squirrel that has been given out to all you shiny stars, and i imagine wow, will i ever meet again those people who underneath the sparkling skies in fields or late night on roads that i gave out a squirrel too for free, and wow will they remember me, because the cool thing is, that happened! it was real!, and i mean all it took was one moment maybe in a field, or road, even in a bar, and the only reason you got a squirrel for free was because of love and I wonder yeh perhaps one day we will meet again, maybe the reason I can’t remember every single squirrel given out is because the universe has made the squirrel a two way thing which means its not just up to me, perhaps if i read this out loud somewhere randomly all the ones ive forgotten you’ll all walk in moon beaming just like your Cheshire cat grins, hey yeh! youll say because that was you who came running through the field at Glastonbury! and we took each other high fly away shining and then I gave you a pink invisible squirrel which could play hotel califronia on a mean guitar, said it had a life time guarantee to keep you safe and warm its beautifull moments like these i live for, never mind whether they are real or pure fantasy.

and perhaps im finaly beginning to realise as i continue to grow that its only stories with bad endings that are make believe.

Universal Lost property.

If I had the free time id start imagining a crocodile in space sorting out
The universal lost property
Like the Bermuda triangle
And Atlantis city
Know what I mean
But I don’t exist
So fly away
Unless there’s a reason
In which case ill stay
As if I’ve even got a choice
Spin spin sugar sugar
Is the way I take my tea
Shaken not stirred
James bond copied me
Just like I copy you
I’m glad that there is no news
Which is why I’m going to keep
Raving my invisible freak flag high
Pink invisible squirrels
keep you
Safe and warm for life.

Findme.

Find me by a tree
find me find me,
the moon shines upon my words
and a lonely bike
Is there any safer place
for a lonesome ride
than in a churchyard at night
by a tree
i guess the bikes not really alone
it has a tree for company
find me find me
words in a pad which
lie next to the bike on the floor
imagine lying for ever more
the tree growing creeping weeds
covers me
cover me
i am these words
goodbye
goodbye
last one to take a ride
upon the bike sharing company of a churchyard tree
moon above shines through clouds
whilst rabbits nearby in the front window of a shop
come to life
hop hop hop
pink rabbit
white rabbit
chewing artificial grass
goodbye goodbye
im heading off to die
makes me wonder
who ill see what ill meet
leaving
two choices for the bike
which might not be as lonesome as i thought it to be
surely by now its made a connection with the tree
do bikes and trees breathe
find me find me
with the moon the bones in the earth
tree roots growing down
nights air all around
hidden in the dark
this bikes not alone
how can it be
surrounded by so many friends
next to a tree
all around
words lie
goodbye goodbye
for ever keeping company
unless
someone
maybe you
stumbles into the churchyard
never mind
day or night
patterns on the ceiling
kind for eyes
surely not choice number two
its you its you
i spy little eye
spiders on acid
curly hands that write
don't tell anyone
climb aboard this lonely ride
hop hop hop
maybe reach down
from a top
your perch upon the bike by the churchyard tree
to pick up
a pad full of words
your kind eyes
read
life
the sad tale of lonesome Jack
whose last words ring
inside your mind
like clanging bells
warning the town
the lunatics are out

goodbye goodbye
find me
find me.


Aww mate

Clouds clouds
music and clouds
talking streams of white

makes me think hey maybe
i am mad
maybe there right

im getting pretty good
at playing pretend

everyone deciding that
growing ups right

because growing down
just doesnt make sense

looking at clouds
music and clouds
streams of white

speaks to the child inside

who wishes that his house was smaller
and the front garden was green
surrounded by a forest of trees
and the gate was rusty
no sky on the t.v
swing rope swing

and the little old shed was dusty
streams of white

christmass was jam packed
old kitchen
crumbly old sofa too

make do

remember riding down the old driveway
with you
laughing in the morning
skipping of to london
with a smile inside

im looking at clouds
streams of white
musics got me waving to planes

so everything is perfect
even though ittl never be the same

which makes me think hey maybe
i am mad
maybe there right

im getting pretty good
at playing this game
pretend.


So dirty So clean now

Alright joe picked up a glass today
what did you say
i didnt
i just played the snow globe
hit it with a frog stick

rick a tick tick

till it smashed into pieces
drowning fairys
awake speaking glitter
dropping shards
fall
theres glass in the mud

stomp stomp stomp
bleed bleed bleed

bare foot
i
bleed bleed bleed
making it safe for the rest

she said

do you wash
do you know what a bath is
run away

so bleed dirty
so bleed clean
run away

dirty dirty run away
bleed bleed bleed
clean clean clean

i ran away.

Theres something funny going on

The power of words the words that we write
makes me reflect
that it sometimes aint right
to think bad endings or make bad thoughts
so its all happy endings
until the very end
i wish it
we will all have the greatest lives
me my loved ones friends
ps
ive worked out my superpower
beware mean cups of tea
im coming to get you
to make you friendly.

No Longer Obsessed with flying away, id much rather float safely back to earth and stay

Im no longer obsessed
I just know
I know what I am
and I know what I like
I know what to do
I know what is right
I know Im not alone
I know you are safe
I know I am real
I know I exist
i know I am warm
and I know you are too
I know how to rhyme
buckle with shoe
Sing a song a six pence
six pence is a moon
im not obsessed
im in love with love
palms crossed
moths spoons
silver gold
maple syrup on everything
and i know
that some people
are completely dark
and that im not afraid of the dark
except
sometimes dark makes me sick
and i cant have black magic
inside my family
so i dont invite you in
please
stay away
stay away
leave me alone
i know that
im a kind gentle soul
and togethor with other kind gentle souls
a new loving shining family
will grow
(to think ive been close to throwing my life away
all it was, was messy messy games)

In Wood Thin King

Yesterday was such an inward day, i felt and still do like i could be a complete shit. This isn’t a righteous feeling, this is a feeling of giving up, im not going to though im going to push on through, outside that door are more than a million other minds, not to mention a whole host of sights sounds and colours, and of course wonders of the natural world. So push on through i will, even though i for a moment thought i was walking the wrong way. It seems im pissing off members of my family, fair enough that’s allowed, but I’m becoming more and more violent, scarily so. This isn’t what i want i don’t want to scare anyone; i also don’t want to be breaking my fists or toes. I’m so switched on that its hard not to get angry sometimes. Backstabbing is way not the way. Its fucking ridiculous how people chat about other people when there not there, why the fucking hell would you do that, where’s the benefit, surely all this bullshit or sense should be said to the person, crazy, blah blah blah, its close sometimes that choice between fighting for what you believe in or just giving up, completely. It’s like the decision to sink or swim. Which reminds of the two soldiers swimming side by the side together in the ocean after their ship had been blown apart by a bomber. After a fair few miles, one soldier turned to the other and said, “fuck this”, with a gentle slosh under the waves he slipped, which left his friend, the other soldier all alone in the deep blue sea, he carried on swimming all the way to dry land. Fair play to both of them. Shiny stars int it.

Im going to continue to fight for what i believe in, even though i have no idea whether this will be of benefit to myself or anyone else. I could easily throw in the towel, ariba dechey bon voyage, catch you lator alligator, cheerio. For some reason i feel this will only lead to more worlds full of pain. So i stay, i wish i felt like i wasn’t fighting, but i feel like i am, im not just surviving, im fighting, fighting with every ounce of my soul, and if i don’t achieve my goals, well who gives a shit, im going to write them down, and maybe someone else will be able to run with them, all the way, carry the flame, the beautiful flame of freedom, to the Olympic fire, and let the mission burn, like sunlight gold.

Am i a fool
Am i mad
Is everything im doing stupid
Are all my ideas going to crumble and fall toppling back over me, crushing me to the ground
Do i have the strength to carry on alone
The thing is i haven’t got a choice
I do feel like im alone
So ive got to carry on regardless
Even if its forever just
Me myself and my feet.


Your not alone

All i feel i do is fuck peoples lifes up in the most spectacular way
What the fuck is my problem
I think i must be ultra possessive
Or ridocolously needy
Except im almost the opposite
I want everyone to be free
And i don’t feel i need anything
I think i better start again
Everyone gets on perfectly without me
In fact my impact on other peoples lifes is minimal
I am not on their minds
And i am not thought about
Or talked about often.
All i do is fuck up my own life in the most spectacular way
And who is to blame for all this
Other people
Family
Life
The world
The universe
Rainbows
None of the above
The only peson to blame for all this is me myself and my trusty feet
Im a complete fuck up
This is clear

I wish everyone had a cheese sandwich

Man its weird do people go through life without a best friend
To me thats a struggle
Im struggling right now
Im totaly fine and i can deal with this
Its not like anything new
This is the way ive been for years and years
Flitting between groups
Friends to everyone
But now
Its like im missing something
I look at my phone
I look around at my circle of friends
And its like fuck
I aint got anyone to call
To share stuff with
Stuff that makes me happy
Stuff that makes me sad
Or just a person that i can ring whenever and shoot the hay with for five minutes
And whats more i aint got anyone thats ringing me
Don’t get me wrong ive friends, and they are all really awesome, but yeah maybe im just a complete messed up paranoid fuck, coss whenever i want to share something i aint got a scoob who to ring, im wondering if im in a minority, coss the way i see it everyone must have someone or some people who they know they can totaly talk too, this is way crazy, ive blatantly got to put the effort in to making friends with people i can share the things i love with positively , coss i feel a lot of the time the things i talk about and what i care about sends people away from me rather than drawing them closer and its making for a tough life, im guess what it comes down to is some people are totaly all right with being alone, and some people arnt, and im at the point where i know im so much much happier when im not alone, so its high tide i done something about it... mission on...
so i missioned on
and i found a place where i felt alive
only thing was
i realised this life
i am fucking mental
thats why
thats why
its all in my mind
all of it is in my mind
and i decide
id rather fly



Dude chill out
alls cool
you got wicked friends
and you dont need to share every little thing
just keep rocking along
all will be good
all is good
proper way
yeah way
whoah i nearly lost it there
yeah well its hard sometimes
still stick to the plan
plan A first
make a mint
then invest in brilliant shiny
things
then if plan A fails
well at least you went for your dream
the first homely house
and so what
theres always plan b
whats plan b
just work somewhere
chill out in a hammock
and eat nice food everyday
sweet
stars
shine
love
life
wink


In a while smile

Welcome to hermitsville
Woke up today
Feeling like George is a complete fucking douche bag
What a snivelling piece of shit
So i fucking killed him
Split his head open with an axe
See you later alligator
Buried that pussy
Bye bye
Bon voyage
What a fucking doormat

Ring around the roses
Run around the street
Fucking hell
Water
Water water
Dick head
Time for me to smoke a fuck load of ciggerrates
Than a massive massive spliff
Head to a rave and eat a bag of smarties
5 pills 10 pills 20 pills
Lines lines lines
Fucking hell
fucking
Loser loser loser
Same old shitty story
Whats new nothing
Whats true nothing
Whats new nothing
Whats true nothing
What can you trust nothing
who can you trust nobody
So fuck you fuck you fuck you
everyones a cunt
bang bang your dead
Moving on
Hello world
Where is love
Fuck love
Welcome to hermitsville
i walk alone
wanting to punch my fists
through windows on busses and trains
and into every face
this guy in front of me eating a pastey
chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew
chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew
fucking smack the shit out of him
then burn the place down
Capital city Hate.

You wind up the gramophones and turn the handles round
out comes their music and out comes their sound

She said you'd given up,
Your folks told me you should be left alone,
On a mountain top knocking the aeroplanes down with stones.
Do the whirlwind and carry the hope that stings all night long,
Don't abandon him 'cause he quivers when he hears your song,

Believe me, it's safe to see.
At least be confused about right and wrong,
Plan to settle down,
Over the moon under the sun.
Do the whirlwind and shotgun the seat that beats that beats
Hanging on to the one you love
To keep keepin', sleepin', dreamin' on.

Folks given up under the quivers and lines,
You do the whirlwind,
Don't abandon,
Get a handle of yourself, son.
Do the Whirlwind - Architecture in Helsinki

Dont abandon
get a handle on your self
my self
blah blah blah
my self
how easy it is
to turn love into hate
i need to think how i do
in order to do what i do
balance
i really like balance
unbalanced
an un balanced individual
tip-toeing through the tulips
i got to embrace it all
instead of having two demons
good side bad side
good side ive been feeling is a douche
bad side
well bad side
bad side you dont want to meet
coss bad side wants to fuck you up
rip a brand new hole
then climb to a mountain top
and throw down rocks rocks rocks
then theres the handle
dude
get a handle on yourself
the sun still rises
the moon still shines
round and round
tranquil pool of silence
stillness
be as one
float zen
keep doing what you do
and instead of thinking
hey i want to fuck you up
you can think
hey i want you to have a good life
sweet sweet dreams
you know you can do that
get a handle on yourself
dont give up on you self
your self
you dont need to be born anew
singing all you need is hate
coss your dream is good
stick with your dreams
and your heart
your belly full of fire
for it is a fool
a coward
that would listen to the thoughts his own
or of others running through his head
openess only leads to pain
sharing only sends people away
theres no one to trust
except for strangers in the night
mate give it time
life aint over rover
its only just begun

on the sun
in the sun
the world can be as one

what else can i say
all the plants love rain

all and all and all and all
all and all the water falls
and i float and i float
flowing flowing
all is all is all is all

hard to soft then soft to hard
cut son glass
cut son grass
soft to hard then hard to soft

all is all is all is all
wrap me up in cotton wool
wrapped me up in cotton wool
underneath the water falls

Nirvana is a friendly world

Im so happy coss today...

Im so lonely

Thats ok
I shaved my head...

Just Swim

Maybe just maybe whats been getting you angry
is your talking the talk
but you aint walking the walk
so now
really is high time
high tide
you went and walked the walk
walk the plank mate
dive tripple somersault dive
into the sea
its going to be hard
some days your going to have to fight to survive
but you know
you know
you can swim


Into space

I remember the ice fields
the start of the year
the beginning
Trapsing through the frozen snow
helping a lady that couldnt walk
wearing my dr martins
which became mushroom snow shoes
the penguins on the moon
aliens disguised as planes
foxes quacking like ducks
seeing the lions face in the sky
the spiders eyes
the beauty of the stars
the beauty of outside
wanting to journey the road forever

journeying through space

the creation of banana sun studios
my first ever computer
surfing in electric city
nostalgia for the geffrey musuem
an article on avatar
realisation soothing words
mentor motivator
hand shakes over the internet
using computers for fun
biffday bonanazas
the post yahoo
writing
sharing
talking about open mics
the frost gives way to spring
spring
i feel young again
like i havent ages since
eighteen
incredible
im alive
were alive
all life
facebook chatting
neffie acorn
the words spring from the stars
auto pilot
im a figment of spinkys imagination
of course
a chance meeting
chats
hats
libraries
a surreal day
on the pirate ship
i thought it was a belter of a day
writing and chatting till the early hours
swapping
music and pics
nice jumper
creation of the apple cave
for the first time
being introduced as a
story teller
and writor
as yet not confident
in my imagination
biking
no kiss
no style
no smoothness
too much shared
a broken toe
no running
in jamaincan colours
give up on the rainbow
work
whilst writing
on the sunsets
burning fires
the rainbows
open eyes
trees dance
mind not all together
free
nearly
moon beaming
the rum the dreams
the trip
biking
hitch hiking
china
type writer
detective
missing bike
is in sane
harpers island
tandem
jenny
whoah
edinburgh
totem poles
water baloons
chapel roislin
wales
sallys glasses
police and ivisible fights
eyes closed backwards up a hill
best survey girl ever
outside the musuem
good time to catch me
im more alive
than ive ever been
confidently couch surfing
canal boat dreams
oops
kept this one to myself
usually im uncertain
or i share
singing out loudly
spring is here again
people asking
im telling
why im so happy
cos ive falling again
for a floating apple
of the tree
except this time
i dont tell anyone
and bam
done over
whoah
shock
good time to drop me
knocked for six
in the most beautifull way
such emotions
such power
wow
im alive
never felt this
dead and alive
amazing
mushroom time
my mind so silent
clear tranquil pool
new dream state
new stories
new writing
the british musuem
in love
positive confident
only sour
the space
the plans
my mate
my mate
my mate?
a figment of my imagination
amazing imagination

best time of my life
just because of my mind
its clear
and sparkling
like the sky and stars

worst time of my life
because the girl i loved
didnt love me
and my mate whoah
i bared my heart and soul
nothing but truth
only to be accused of playing games
and shouted out
are you going to ask her to marry you are you, are you,
whoah, what happened to the fun, the flow, seeing what happens,
well what happened was nutty, jungle nut pie,
investing myself into nothing
getting scared by a friend
wanting to run away to another country
turn around
needing space for myself
bright the stars still shine
the feeling the emotion
the story
shines
meeting interesting strangers
unable to forget the girl
seeing a dress
buying a dress
feeling sick
at memories
of stories
told
by others
the way of the world
feeling sick at the world
turning to hate at the world
and people
writing on
late night in london
mice live at the musuem
following the mice
fury
new emotion
then forgiveness
ah well
never mind
its over rover
totaly over
first ever open mic
sweet as
sensation landing
feeling like
as if this has been going on all the time
and its taking me this long to find it
moving to london
sleeping rough on the street
days nights
a ticket to see the lion king
for free
nice one
nice one
landing on my feet
the stories growing
life enriched with people and sights
my mind shining
so alive
only confused
by thoughts of the girl
passing clouds
which i want to leave behind
just a few lines
like a knife
crazy lady
trips me out
trips me up
so cheerio
until
the snow
then yeah mate nah mate
nah
no way
give it time
damn
in the cold
feeling hot
move on
junglist
getting over yourself
over this

float on
dreams
shine on
stars
your love life and laughter
be blessed
from the moons and suns
true nature
rushing on
the remedy
the flow
the spirit
soar
hats off
hats on
fluffy hats abound
beautyfull creautres
the best
floating like a butterfly
stinging when right
like a bee
black and yellow
banana
uprising
smiling
sunshine
the harder the battle the
sweeter the victory
no battle
no victory
just keep sweetly
like the sun fish
smiling
swimming on

just keep shining
just keep shining

Now i wonder
at the universe
do i get to pick
a star flower
or is it a
star flower
that will pick me
or is there no pick at all
do we play our song
in perfect chords of
harmony
strings of guitar
vibes
sliding endlessly
until
whatever
happens
happens
just
the
way
its
meant
to
be

Maybe its all in the mushrooms
why is it when i eat a bag of mushrooms
your kiss is free on my lips
when without
i might aswell try and sew my shadow
back on with a needle
stich and shout
the box without photographs
with nothing in it
apart from
gathering fairy dust
ever settling
upon a
single
lonely
forgotten
thimble

Soon tide soon
just keep swimming
shine shine shine
togethor
we will be
safe
warm
and dry


Nirvana

Its another day. Where i want to give up. There coming thick and fast now. Beauty turns to ugliness. Never. Beauty remains but its taste turns to anger and pain. Jelaousy mis-trust. I cant go on like this. Life becomes hard. Torture. I want to die. Escape. The boredom, the mis-understandding. The repeat repeat repeat. On the dancefloor bodies moving. Music playing. Were dancing but were not really dancing. Togethor. Frustration, boredom, anger. How come im not happy anymore. All i want to do is pick up and throw this chair at the back of someones head. I pick up the chair, put it behind my neck, raise it up, ready to throw. Hey tesser should i throw this chair. No. So i change my message is love not hate.
Im too pissed off to dance now, whats the point, might as well sit and watch the fucking lights move, the patterns on the wall, the fish in the people. Im dieing of lonliness, or bitterness, or chilling to the end. Good were going now. Outside. Where i question. What the fuck am i doing here. Im not here independantly. I had planned to go to Bloomsbury to crayon in the corridors. Ive come here to see a girl. Why, why, why, Fucking bullshit. I cant handle anything. Fuck. Im completely lost. It seems the only answer is to die. This world doesnt make sense at all. What the fuck am i doing here. Nick chatting fucking horse shit in my ear. Every word makes me want to stick my fist in his face, pointless restraint, fucking unleash you animal, still i remain calm. Answering in a voice, weighted with nothing. A guy talking about dreams on the street. Fuck off and lets rumble. Another bull shitter. Fucking hell, how annoying can this life get

its all just a test a push to see when you crack and when you crack the world aint ever going back, when you slide slip jump in for a spin, the game the test the cracks a new world will begin


Oh hello Jennnys about to fuck off and go inside some bar to see a mates gig. Sweet as a piece of shit mate. I might as well piss of home then. Oh wait, shes not going in, well isnt that nice. We walk togethor for all of a minute. Linked arms, friends style, except im bristling with fever, before Jenny is chatted up by a guy. Could be a bit of a shitter for Jen. What the fuck are you meant to do
"I just want to go for a drink, doesnt mean i want to fuck you"

Sheeat, sounds like, looks like, you want to fuck her. Damn. This is torture.

Its all just a game there really is a game your belief in no game is lame so lame so play play play and play right or stay the same too afraid to die and continue to live your gay gay gay way


I want to leave. Im selfish. Because im bored of friendship. And im lonely, its fucking well gay. I love people because there people. They dont need to provide me a service or entertain me in anyway. Fuck fuck fuck. I dont want to have to perform on stage. In order to wow. I just want to be. I want to be able to share one on one with someone.

Fucking well play the game you pussy and start playing like a bad boy gangster

Except, i think im giving up. People dont work like that. Peope are only interested if youve got something. Thats proper shit. Fuck i dont know what to do.
Were going to a party.
Why,
"the cokes are in the ice box",

go fuck yourself sam

People
Fun
Im not a part of this world.
Fucked up, im fucke dup, if you werent there, sure, party fun. If your there then what. Nah itd be okay. Yeah course fun.
A party. What the fucks going on in my head. Jump feet. Electric. Rage.
Let off some steam. Sing to trees and leafs. Shadows in the park. Hands gripping the rails, hanging back. Now. Youve gone. Im dead.
What a night. Fucking hell.
What am i playing at.
Thats it.
Im a fuck up.
I cant handle this world.
I dont know what to do

start playing the game dipshit

I ring to find out if you ditched me because im pretty much a dead weight. Im not easy. Im not a sunday morning. Im a clunky fucking complication that cant relax. What must it be like to hang out with me.
I imagine a nightmare.
Fuck, if only things were simple.
So im in Hackney
and your on a bus to south london
Wrong bus schinnanigans
Thats the way the cookie crumbles,
Crumble, mmm, id love some crumble righ now, crumble,
The way you say crumble,
Now did i bottle it

You bottled it you fucking fudge packer

Makes me think your the biggest tease ever
Confusion.
Ignore it
My nights gone shit
Should have could have would have gone to Bloomsbury

Should have would have could have done whatever you wanted you stupid fuckless monkey veni vidi fuckali i came i saw i did... nothing

What the fuck am i doing

fuck all

You ask if im still going to the party
Honestly. Id only be going to hang out with you

get lost you fucking douchebag

and ive clearly got you too wrapped up in my mind for that to be any good, itd just be torture, proper torture.

Your a cock a cock a cock

So fuck that.
Fuck that right off. I wouldnt be going to the party to have fun. Id just act like a dick head. Hooray
So ill have a night in. Treat your self.
Your words make me want to punch my fist into glass. Fuck off treat yourself. This is shit. Banana party. Fucking die. Im punching. Well funny aint it. A geezer that loves, then gets fucked up physically and verbally and cant handle jokes remarks or pokes or whatever the shitty fucky hell is going down.

man up nancy boy are you a man a mouse or a twat

If you wanted me to cheer up. Fail.
If you wanted to piss me off, confuse me, make me go mental, bingo!
Ding ding ding.

How the fuck can a few words from your mouth in your voice do that. They cant its you as a whole. Treat myself. Holy shit. Thats plain cuntsville.
Only its not though is it. Its not you as a whole its myself, im too blame for everything, all the blame lies with me. Im just becoming, fucked up, paranoid,

just because your paranoid

Too fucking weird. Yeah i am fucked. Your right, when you said you didnt think theres any way im ever going to be happy, you were right. Im doomed to a life of torture. Great. Fucking well bring it on. Bananas by ears. Good one. Imagine that. On my own. Its just a fucking joke. Dude. Well funny aint it. Jokes. Thing is they are. Laughters great. Playings fun. Except today. Because today i feel so ugly. I just want to pack it all in. This fucking disgusting comedy experiment and die.

Hurry up and die then cry baby, were waiting

So i can climb out of the labotory say hats off to whovever whatever made such an experience, experiment, possibly, nice one, proper sorted, thank you
and no longer have this... never never never mind.


Silver Circles

Never never never mind
never never never where
caught between life and death
i choose life
life life
and every so often i despise
my way
my choice
to stay stay stay
between capture and escape
the thoughts that leak
into my peace
never never never mind
never never never where
do not release me
they burn like hate
why wait
why wait
why not spread your wings and fly away
to another place
closed eyes
i can see
yet i do not comprehend
what is real or make believe
over flies tip-toeing across the line of reality
do i carry on
is everyone
and every thing
just a distraction
an excuse
to stay
a blockage in the way
or should my pleasure take a dive
for pain
because i want to go
does that mean i have to stay
like the soul that found an oasis in the desert
then turned back to tell others
where to find it
truly which is the more selfish
live on or die
to be or not to be
why not
flip a coin
let the silver circles decide.

Slip slip slip
slide heads spin
tails slip
slip slip slip
slide away


To the best of my knowledge i havent died yet
although im not sure on that
to be fair how do we even know if we can die
im starting to feel i may have been hit by cars
knocked off my bike
drowned
squashed
falling off of buildings
sunk in quick sand
buried alive
run over
and hit by a brick or two
so maybe i have died many times
maybe we all die twice or more a day
or perhaps yes perhaps
there is still i chance i have never died
i wonder if we are all the same
or if some people die more than others
will i die today
do i get to decide
i move on to the slipping circle
and
either regretfully or thankfully
i chose tails on the spinning death coin to live
and tails it was
so today i breathe on
until tomorrow
unless this is death
in which case i
wait to breathe
sleep to wake, wake to sleep


If i had spun a head
and died or come back to life depending on how much your mind has dripped into mental illness
i guess that the best way to visit me
would be to pick a swan or a tree
or maybe turn yourself into a spinning leaf
and float down the river made of string
- you could always chat to the rats or pidgeons
burn a candle, incencse stick, smoke
signals to the wind
send a message to electric city
sit on a bench by an oak and breathe
stick your head in the ocean and scream
go to sleep and dream
wake up
on a wheel in the machine
book yourself a ticket to hawai
and learn that the way one visits
me now
is
either, a little bit different from before
depending on how far youve slipped into mental illness
or, excactly the same
visit me in a book
or spot me on a train
in a coffe shop
at a party
in the park
on the street
at work
on the bus
at play
we are one
are we
if we are one
then we are a part of the universe as a whole
so you can visit me
we can
visit each other
piece by piece
our entire being
in the heart, mind and soul
of everything
and everyone
that we ever meet

ever ever, ever mind
ever ever, ever where

Venus

Seems like a bit of the bad sunk back in
thanks to a lot of good and then i realise
that theres no such thing as good or bad
we are eternal
just doing what we do
there is no sin
or guilt or judgement
or anything
there just is life
or death whatever
word or sound you make
will do
your choose
there is lithium
and drugs abound
and there are cats
and angels
ive been saved
ive saved myself
people my love
is people
and drugs
music drugs people
d d d d d devil
p p p p p penguin
id steal anything for you
lets do everyting under the sun
every drug every one
illusions of grandeur
jesus beyonce
and mary magdolane
getting wet
with all the single ladies
smoking
stanley
the
mask



Welcome back to stage one tiger fu.

Im kicking it up.
Kicking up now.
This is the strangest scene to live in.
From the moment i begin
I can remember.
Living in the now.
Is freedom
Linking everything from the past to now
Explains.
Sink row nice
The future.
Looking to the future
Is a thread a strand
A Donnie darko line
Celler door
Monkey door key
Luminosity.
What have i got.
Ive got to much suss sometimes.
Seeing people for what they are.
Is this the paranoia
Or is it the cobain
Telescope
Just because
Don’t mean
The agents in the machine
Following me
Using me
Printing
And T.V
When im weak
Im trapped
When im strong
I burn fury
Lion to mouse back to lion
Magician
Conjurer
Sourcery
This is where im at
I feel like im in a story now
Inside of a book
Or a play
Or a game yes a game
I didn’t want to play any games
But it looks like this is all one big masquearade
A jamboree
Surely the way people are around me is all an act a test a push a key a look a lock a way to see what i will do
The rat race
The maze the rat pack
The space
The cheese
The puzzle the clue.
When im back on top
I can shift the change
I can sieve the flour and decide how it lands
Or let things take their course beautifully
I step easy
When im not on top
I do not like the way others play
Corrupting
The patterns in the Mandela
I see everyone as the same
We are all one
Manic depression
Is wrapped up in the surf
It is an all creating life force the integral ostrich stich that holds the universe together and keeps the world turning, opposites attract, magnetic poles, the breath, the tides of the sea, contrast, mushroom trips, the contrast, keeps life alive, the same state flat line, brave new world, savage to soma, all the signs, all the clues are there, hero’s, what sort of hero are you, manic – superman, depressive clark kent, manic ying, depressive yang, manic depression is the key to unlocking reality, who would seek a cure, a cure, this is a gift, to embrace, the suss is turning spinning people like coins, making everyone into an agent, friends into enemies, this life becomes a scene, the Truman show, eternal sunshine, life on mars, a coma, a soma, a sleep, wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up, how do i wake up, do i live or do i die, right now, im deciding to live, not knowing whether that is a failure or a success, defiantly knowing that my trust has taken a dive, stop, nobody’s perfect, we are all manic depressives, in that case you know that you can sink to some lows as in it for what you can get, stop focussing on the times when people take, and look at the times when they give, it all balances out, balance it out, givers and takers, we give and we take we give and we take give and take, eternal, all the same, give up on the future, stop creating the future, forget about the future, the future, stop thinking about the future, there is no good or bad, no bad endings no good endings, just let the music play, let the music play, two old workers burning the umbrella, when the rain fall hits the sun, cupid say colour get together,
One cocoa bean landed in a basket
Travelled far away
Now it’s buried
With the beatles and seeds and beads and things
On the other side of your carpet


You are human. Human. Human. You take a lot. Everyone takes a lot. You give. Everyone gives. Everyone gives and takes. Give and take. In this hole in this place. Its all take. Enemy,enemy, enemy. Im an ememy all i do is take, your love, i dont create.
Out of the hole, its the other side, wake up. Freind.


I spun another silver coin today
its spinning through the sky
spin spin sugar
over
heads i live
tails i fly

Once i was i fish i died
i fish i died
i fish i died
once i was i fish i died
now they called me,
wanda