Monkey and Donkey.

Look who it is it’s that donkey

Who gets tricked by the monkey

One day Donkey took a friend to go and see the Star Wars the Phantom menace film at the local flicks.

Donkey loved going to the flicks and eating as many sweets as possible.

After the film Donkey was full of energy and excitement,

Eeyore Eeyore that was so good Donkey brayed,

but Eeyore couldn’t hear Donkey as he was too busy hunting round charity shops in search for a new ribbon.

Donkey started acting out parts of the film, and his friend red squirrel, joined in.

It wasn’t long before they were pretending to have light saber battles and were making all sorts of noises.

Whum whum Donkey and red squirrel went; they were really enjoying pretending to battle each other with light sabres.

If only we had some real light sabres Donkey Lamented

We can buy some at Toys R us red squirrel chipped in.

So for the next four weeks every time Donkey or red squirrel came upon a sofa whether it was at a house or in a shop, at a school or in a pub, they took off all the sofas cushions and raided it for sofa change.

We should take all the money out of the fountain in the town square too Said the red squirrel

No Replied Donkey sternly,

Have you never seen the Goonies, those might be peoples wishes

Maybe there wish was for us to have all their money the red squirrel continued

Which fell upon death ears, Donkey was having none of it.

Although Donkey would thieve the money from a sofa at a house party he was known to take the moral high ground from time to time.

Especially when it came to wishes, this might have something to do with the fact that Donkey once fell afoul of a genie but that’s a story for another time.

After another two weeks of Sofa raiding, and a particular lucky day in a Clerks shoe store, Donkey and the Red squirrel had managed to gather together £15.98p

Which was exactly enough money to buy two light sabres from the local Toys R Us.

If Donkey had a computer they perhaps would have bought the light sabres on eBay a little bit cheaper, but Donkeys are notorious technophobes.


It took Donkey and red squirrel six weeks to club together enough money to buy the light sabres and all that time they had been talking of nothing else but the impending battle, about which they were both feverishly excited.

Oh who hasn’t been in the story so far that’s right Monkey.

Monkey overheard Donkey and red squirrel talking about how excited they were about having a light sabre battle, which was easy enough they’d been talking of little else, so he suggested to them why not have the battle on top of the roof of the house.

Up in the sky balancing on a roof fighting each other upon a roof it’s the only fitting place to have your amazing battle, sang monkey,

and he convinced Donkey and red squirrel that the roof was indeed the only place for their fight.

So after leaving Toys R us and discarding all the packaging the two friends who were about to become foes, Donkey and red squirrel rushed up onto the roof light sabres in hand and began their epic battle.

Meanwhile Monkey ran over the road to an antiques shop which was owned by a man named Keith Barrett.

Hey Mr Barrett, Mr Barrett Monkey called

Look up there on the roof, what’s going on and he pointed up to the roof.

Mr Keith Barrett couldn’t believe his eyes, up on the roof moving very fast and dodging and a jumping and stepping this way and that were Donkey and red squirrel bashing seven shades of hell out of each other with light sabres.

My Goodness Keith Barret the antiques dealer exclaimed

And he ran straight across the road ignoring all the oncoming traffic which in fact was nonexistent seeing as this is a story I’m creating out of the top of my head and I’ve decided there shall be no cars oh alright maybe just one

Toot-toot,

Keith Barrett shook his fist angrily at the beeping car which had already sped off and then knocked upon the door of the house on top of which the light sabre battle was taking place.

Whilst Mr Keith Barrett was dodging the car and knocking on the front door Monkey had slipped through the back and climbed up the stairs all the way to the top of the house,

He opened the door to the room at the top then called out of a window to the two combatants on top of the roof,

Quick you’ve been spotted, come down or you’re going to get in trouble

Well Donkey and red squirrel didn’t like the sound of that, they stopped battling at once and began to get scared,

Oh no Donkey cried I don’t want to get in trouble.

There there said monkey

Don’t you worry your fuzzy head, I’ve got an idea, I’ve never been in trouble with old man mango before, in fact you’re the only one he likes to beat with his belt

That’s true whispered donkey with another sob

So, Monkey said, I’ll just take all the blame don’t you worry about anything ill take all the blame

Wow what a great friend Donkey and red squirrel both thought.

A mighty roar erupted from the bottom of the house; it was old man mango shouting in anger.

Keith Barrett had obviously told old man mango that he had seen a light sabre battle going on, on top of the roof, and old man mango was not happy.

Messing about on the roof, wait till I gets my belt on them.

Thump thump thump!

His footsteps where coming up to the top of the house.

Monkey slipped out of the door which made a long creak and pattered down the stairs to meet old man mango,

Good friend monkey both red squirrel and donkey thought as they listened in silence

Patter patter patter...

They could hear monkeys footsteps as he ran down the stairs to greet old man mango.

Monkey! Old man mango shouted, belt in hand, what’s going on?

Oh right, yeah it was Donkey and Red squirrel it had nothing to do with me, it was all the other two, and yep, I had nothing to do with it”

Patter patter patter...

Monkeys footsteps continued down the stairs, and then Click! Slam!, he opened the front door slammed it shut and made good his escape.

Donkey and red squirrel turned to each other, they hid the light sabres behind their backs, and said

Uh-Oh

Old man mango had reached the top of the house and the handle on the room’s door began to turn.

Monkey who by now was far away from the sounds of a belt beating bought himself a packet of strawberry laces from the shop at the end of the road and grinned from ear to ear.

He had set the whole thing up, he even gave George Lucas the idea for light sabres in the first place just so that he could trick Donkey into getting another lashing with old man mangos belt and it had all gone swimmingly.

That’s why all the smiling village mountain children sing

Oh Yar Yi Oh

Oh Yar Yah Eee

I am a monkey,

You are a donkey,

We are chimpanzee.