The Yahtzee Hippo.

Man thought dice where his idea, in fact it was the hippo that invented dice.

Yahtzee is a game you can play with dice.

You roll five dice and if all five dice reveal the same number then you have rolled Yahtzee.

Three of the same number and a pair is called a full house.

This is where the hippo comes into it.

Let’s say you’ve rolled a full house and decided not to use it, and then you keep rolling full houses when you want something else.

Then the Yahtzee hippo is smiling.

Or if you say something along the lines of,

“Anything but two’s”

And get nothing but two’s,

Then the Yahtzee hippo is smiling.

The Yahtzee hippo is ignoramus and flies through the sky, sometimes the Yahtzee hippo will
take the form of a cloud, although this is very rare to see.

Like Loki, the Yahtzee hippo is a bit of a trickster, and to some extent thrives on Murphy’s Law although without knowing anything about it.

All the Yahtzee hippo knows is how to react to people’s words, thoughts or actions.

For example as a young boy say of the age of 12 you constantly took the piss out of your friends
and other randomn’s by singing over and over the Mexican hat song.

Well you better pray the Yahtzee hippo wasn’t flying by as thirteen years down the line,

You’d be likely to meet and go out with a Mexican girl, who at first is lovely but soon turns violent, gets you arrested, and a criminal record, then leaves you, only months later to ring you to say she is Pregnant with your baby and that you most move to Mexico to start you new life,

In situations like this sometimes people wonder why does it always rain on me?

Two simple words are enough to answer any such puzzlement

Yahtzee hippo. That’s why.

The Yahtzee hippo likes this type of thing very much, so if for example you happened to say,

“Life is sweet; the world just couldn’t get any better”

Don’t be surprised to wake up and find your Brother has thrown himself to his death off a multi-story car park, thanks Yahtzee hippo.

So what can you do to protect yourself from the Yahtzee hippo’s games, well for starters roll dice or at least shake them, this will annoy people, but make the Yahtzee hippo smile.

Remember that the Yahtzee hippo cannot be everywhere at once, so its luck whether the Yahtzee hippo happens to be flying above you.

Just knowing that the Yahtzee hippo is out there can give you an edge on anyone who doesn’t.

Especially as you learn more and more about how the Yahtzee hippos mind works. In this way you can manipulate your thoughts, words, or actions in any given situation and if the Yahtzee hippo does happen to fly by you will be at an advantage.

Remember to never say out loud

“Fuck the Yahtzee hippo”,

thinking it in your head is bad enough, and only bad things will happen if you say it out loud, whether they happen to you or not is an entirely different matter.

If something randomly good happens to you and you have the slightest inkling that it might be to do with the Yahtzee hippo, then say,
“Thanks Yahtzee hippo”

This will make the Yahtzee hippo smile and when the hippo is smiling things that are bad for us like earthquakes or marmite are less likely to happen.

Try not to confuse the Yahtzee hippo with the Nazi hippo, for starters the Yahtzee hippo doesn’t like it, and secondly they are both completely different hippos.

I’ll leave you with well known song that few people know the deeper meaning behind, it is in fact a prayer to the Yahtzee hippo,

Shake, rattle and roll by Big Joe Turner, for some reason the Yahtzee hippo likes you to have a clean face and hands, go figure.

Make the hippo smile