A Knotty Story.

A Knotty Story.

Knotty jumped into the loch with a splash and swam deep deep down until he was all the way at the bottom. To his amazement upon the waters bed he saw a little wooden table, and sat round it on wooden water rotted chairs were three animals’ playing at a game of cards.

Knotty saw that there was an owl dressed up to the nines with a white buttoned shirt and a gentleman’s tall black tails, the owl also had a rich black cane resting against its chair and Knotty noticed the owl had placed a monocle to one of its eye’s.

Sat opposite the owl was a squirrel in a green waistcoat with dark green buttons, and a yellow tie, next to the squirrel was a mouse that had nothing on apart from two tiny navy blue buckled shoes, one for each foot paw.

“New round new round” Hooted the owl,

“No squares” returned the Squirrel,

“Hello” Said Knotty to the group, “Can I play”

“No squares” Squeaked the mouse,

“You’re not a square are you?” exclaimed the owl whilst popping out the monocole and raising an eyebrow

Knotty felt his sides with his hands and patted his arms and body,

“No I’m not a square, I’m in fact quite round” Knotty said quite matter of factly.

“Then pull up the chair” shouted the squirrel,

Even though he was underwater Knotty had to stick a finger in each of his ears for the squirrel was shouting very loud

“Pull up the chair” Squeaked the mouse,

Two crabs scuttled along the lochs bed and began to pull at a rope claw rope claw until a chair emerged from out of the bottom of the slimy sand.

“What are you waiting for” Hooted the owl, and ushered Knotty into the chair with a shove of its wing. Knotty didn’t hear a word but he sat in the chair anyway he looked across at the squirrel to make sure it had stopped shouting before removing the fingers from his ears,

“I love cards, what game are we playing” Knotty asked

“We! We! We are not playing” the owl scolded,

“That’s right” Said the Squirrel back to a reasonable level of voice,

“Not unless you’ve spoken to the Lady Gaa Goo,” Said the owl.

“Well that’s alright then, said Knotty, “I’ve already spoken too her”.

“That’s why I jumped into the water in the first place, I was following a frog that led me from Lady Gaa Goo’s, “

“Well that makes all the difference” hooted the Owl,

“Don’t be shy, don’t be shy”, squeaked the mouse”

“Yes that makes you different you see” The squirrel confided to Knotty in a whisper
As the owl proceeded to deal out a deck of cards.

“Quite different” Said the mouse.

“We will play the game of hearts” the owl roared,

The squirrel and mouse squealed with excitement.

And began to sing a squirrel song

Nuts and berries, nuts and berries
Lots and lots of nuts and berries
Nuts and berries Nuts and berries
Lots of lots of nuts and berries
Nuts and berries nuts of berries
Lot so lots oh not so berries
When you’re going going going going bloody mental
Nuts and berries nuts and berries...

(Squirrels traditionally would repeat the words to this song round and over forever)

Whilst the owl dealt out the cards, Knotty found the song rather strange, and thought he himself was going a bit mad as he listened to it, he was glad the owl wasn’t singing, and just dealing, especially as the game was hearts,

Oh good Knotty thought, at least I can play well at hearts

When the owl had finished dealing out all the deck face down upon the table, Knotty asked,

“Which way do we pass?”

“Pass” replied the Owl with a grimace,
“We don’t pass, we always answer”

“That’s right” Said the Squirrel,
“
No passing” Shrieked the mouse,

“Do not collect £200” burst out the squirrel, and the mouse nearly fell of its chair from laughing,

“Pipe down, pipe down” Shushed the Owl, and began to flap its left wing so as to calm the mouse and squirrel, the owls wing flapping sent a nearby goldfish swimming on its way.

The squirrel and mouse each picked up a pipe from the table and began to smoke bubbles out of them the bubbles floated up to the surface and Knotty thought he saw a smiling face on one of the bubbles wink at him.

After they had each had one puff the squirrel and the mouse put the pipes back down on the table, and sat looking as if they hadn’t moved at all.

“I hadn’t even noticed those pipes, underwater pipes, very strange” Knotty thought to himself.

Looking down at the cards in his hand he spotted that he had the two of clubs,

Aw, he thought the two of clubs I might as well play

So he threw the card from his hand, and it floated through the water to land face up upon the table.

“The two of clubs,” Squealed the mouse, nearly falling of its chair for the second time.

The squirrel laughed, and had another go on a pipe, as more bubbles floated up to the lochs surface,

The owl’s voice cut above the squirrel’s laughter,

“First Question, what is the point of drowning poems?”

Popping the monocle back in, the owl turned and stared with deep yellow eyes directly into Knotty’s own button moon like pupils.

What’s the point of drowning poems, Knotty started thinking,

Poor Knotty got into quite a tiz-woz mulling it over in his mind,

The point of drowning poems, now what did the owl mean, the point like a sharp stick, or did the owl mean the point as in when the poems had run out of air, or perhaps the owl meant what was the point of putting poems in a sack to drown like mistreated cats, or maybe even what is the point of writing poems about drowning, do poems even have a point, Knotty wondered.

Maybe the only reason people wrote poems Knotty decided was to fill up sacks which would then get thrown into the sea, perhaps for the Owl Squirrel and mouse to read, and all the mistreated cats, they would need something to read whilst waiting for the death of cats to arrive, yes thought Knotty that sounded like it made the world right. Knotty believed it would be a worthy life if he himself decided to just write poems which he would then throw into the sea let all the words sink, especially if it helped out all the drowning cats.

“Time” Shouted out the squirrel,

“Time” Echoed the mouse,

“Time” Shouted out the owl. Who was now wearing a top hat; it hadn’t been wearing one before,

Where ever did that hat spring from, Knotty wondered,

“Time” The three animals chorused together and from out of the hat, the owl produced a block of golden yellow butter, it glistened in the water.

“Answer the question” said the mouse to Knotty “quick quick”

The Squirrel sent another set of dancing bubbles flying from his pipe to breathe upon the surface of the loch.

“You have exactly one second to answer the question, by which time the butter will have melted” The squirrel told Knotty, removing the pipe from its mouth it grinned , revealing sharp pointy teeth,


“You see time sinks when butter fly’s”

“Well I suppose the point of drowning poetry is that it’s for anything that lives underwater to read”

Knotty answered,

“Wrong, wrong, wrong” Hooted the owl.

All around the water began to bubble and boil, the butter on the table melted, spreading out like hot cheese under a grill, it floated off in looping drops, a bit like blobs from a lava lamp.

“You were supposed to tell us at which time the butter will have melted” The squirrel shouted loudly at knotty.

“Now it’s melted” Said the mouse who sounded quite unimpressed.

“It’s getting rather hot down here” Knotty gasped.

All the water was boiling; it felt to Knotty like he was trapped in the scalding hot water of a hissing whistling steaming kettle.

“Is it just me or is it getting hot down here” Knotty asked the three animals.

“Pipes up” Said the squirrel and the three friends all began to smoke, they completely ignored Knotty.

It’s far too hot Thought knotty, I’m going to melt away like that butter

Uncontrollably Knotty began to whistle, a song from his memory like a kettles song.
A bubble popped out of the owls pipe, and called out,

“Hitch a ride”

Knotty nodded his head up and down up and down, he couldn’t speak, the water had become so hot that Knotty had forgotten how to use his voice,

“Let’s see your thumb then” said the bubble gruffly.

Knotty gave a thumbs up,

“All hunky-dory Well cheerio oh” sang the bubble

And proceeded to blast Knotty out of the water with a mighty Sperlash.

Knotty found himself back on the bank completely soaked, dripping in water from head to toe.

“Ribbit”

Knotty looked down, and saw that the frog from before was sitting on his wet shoe,

“Ribbit”

“Hello again” Knotty said to the frog.

“Ribbit” Replied the frog, which then hopped towards some nearby woods.

“Oh you’re not talking anymore, well no” Knotty corrected himself, “you are talking, but I’m not a frog so I can’t understand what you’re saying”

The frog turned back its head and looked at Knotty with sad little eyes, it said,
“Ribbit” and then hopped off into the rich green forest that lay nearby

“Well I suppose I better follow you” Knotty declared out loud and proceeded to try and keep up with the hopping frog as it jumped this way and that underneath the silky green trees of the forest.